Summer 2009! :/

This summer has been one boring, sad, emotional and rocky summer. When this summer started I was super excited and had so many plans and ideas for what to do to occupy my time or have fun. It started out with seeing a great friend I had not seen in a year and spent a weekend with her. Then school was done a week later and time for everything to begin...or so I thought. I thought I was going to train to start serving at CK's and was really amped to start and make some money and finally get treated more like an adult and not looked down on so much from people at work as just some barback/busser. Work at Chase Field was slow due to the fact that the Dbacks didn't know how to play baseball and fans don't want to waste their money to see a team lose. so basically I only had 3 shifts there in June and Ck's I only worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So pretty much during the week I had nothing to do and I'm the kind of person who will get super lazy when I have nothing to do. Its hard to try and do stuff when you don't have any money but just sit around the house pretty much. The economy hit hard and plus it was the summer so money was short and bills got jacked up. the electric bill rates went up for the summer months and when I mean up, I mean from $110/month to $200/month! I was already having a tough time paying for that the $128 cable bill and $300 for the HOA and another $300+ to my mother for my car. The end of May and First week of June really really sucked. End of May, my car decides to have problems, the A.C. went out and brake pads were wearing down, My mother got diagnosed with cancer for the 4th time in her life (3rd time in 15 years) and she wasn't for sure if she wanted to go through with treatement again and that was really hard to take in because I'm super close with my mother. (not momma's boy close, but idk what I would do if she passed) And my dad stopped paying child support and pretty much decides that he'd rather spend his money on cruises and vacations rather than help his OWN Daughter, not to mention disable, with an adapted car so she can go to college. And then just to throw everything over the top, shit it the fan with the girl I had feelings for at the time.
Sparing the details, the worst part of the whole thing with her and I was that she was mad at me for something I rudely did and when she asked me about it, I felt like I was never given the time to explain why with respect to her. With everything that was going on and how much she thought we were close friends, she basically turned everything I said against me and I wasn't given the time of day to talk to her about it in person like I thought she would have let me like I asked. It's frustrating when someone always said how they don't like having those conversations over text/emails/or any other type of technological device because things get distorted and taken the wrong way and what do you know.... IT DID!!! It pretty much destroyed what we had I feel. It feels like a break up with a gf even though it wasn't. SO for the next month, I felt pretty low. I found ways to kill time at night with Chris and talking about life helped sometimes but everything always came coming back to bite me in the ass.. It was hard hearing or seeing her name or having her text me a month afterwards to try and 'fix' our friendship and I said only if we talked about things but that of course never happened. Honestly I feel bad writing this behind her back but if she listened to me or really cared or had any respect for me and our friendship then I wouldn't have written this. Her actions showed much more than her words. But the biggest thing thats got to me also is with all this being said and done, Why is she trying so hard to mend this friendship? Why does she care about it so much? Its new to me because I've never had someone do this to me so idk but its weird and hard at times to talk with her over text but I'm finally getting over it I guess. I think I just needed to write it down and get it out.
Also with all of that going on, my sister's attitude was really wearing down my mother because she was soo disrepectful and inconsiderate of her and her dumbass immature boyfriend would do nothing but stand and watch. I hate seeing my sister lower her standards for some needy punk. It was great to see my little cousins at the end of June however. I had not seen them in 4 1/2 years! They grew up a ton!! And I got to see Wicked again, I waited for months for that show. And I'm glad Taylor went with me. It was good to spend time with her again. The only Ex Gf that I'm actually still talking with and friends with.
At times this summer I felt like I had no friends. I felt lonely and that I was the last resort fall back kind of person. I've realized how fake people will be to your face and how so many people haven't grown up as much as I have (in certain instances) And the biggest impact of that is from my best friend Chris. We are two different yet similar people. He's quite and into art and playing his guitar and doing his Muai Tai Kick boxing and not many other types of sports. And I'm fairly talkative and an active but so creative type person. We've been best friends since 5th grade. But our personalities together and our thought process's for the most part are pretty damn similar most of the time. Thats what has kept us close in my opinion but this summer he has been such a selfish inconsiderate asshole and when I talk to him about it he thinks its funny and mocks me and then I get frustrated and keeps pushing my buttons. Its like he hasn't grown up and doesn't think of others. Don't get me wrong, he's really pushed me to try and create a hobby to keep me active and tries to motivate me when I had nothing to do and I thank him greately for that. Thats the Chris I know and love but damn! Like he bails on plans all the time. He can't commit to anything. He say we'll do this or that 2 days in advance and then he makes up some bullshit excuse like he's to tired from working a hard 6 hour stocking shift at Target to do something or 'I forgot' or whatever and thats been going on for like 8 months too.. Its like he doesn't care and he's just throwing it all away. He's been such a prick. And he won't understand why I can't do something or can't buy this or that because god forbid I have bills to pay and he has 75% of his shit paid for by his parents. And he never wants to go out and do something new to kill time or whatever. I guess he'd rather go home an sit around. Basically with all the bailing out on me and beating around the bush or whatever, its come to this with me; if he would rather just stay home and do his art or practice guitar or has plans, thats Great! But don't say your going to do something or whatever and then bailout the last second. Just be fucking honest and its all good. But when I tell him this, he never takes it serious. It feels like a relationship or something. haha Kinda sad I guess. We'll see how it goes. Eventually he'll grow out of it I hope...

Now the last month or so has slowly but surely improved. Work has slowly gotten better, certain bills have been reduced. People at Ck's are treating me more my age and I feel more included in things. Ryan definately seem to have started it, inviting me to go hiking and then to Josh's party and Josh and Cody have always been like a brother at work and I thank them very much for it. They will actually have a conversation with me. haha Oh and Kathy has taken me under her wing and training me with the computer at work. :) The saddest thing the last 3 weeks was hearing about my manager at Chase Field getting let go. I felt so bad but wish the very best for her! But I've finally signed up for school and I'll have my Associates Degree by December! And I should be serving fairly soon! And best of all, the 2nd biopsy for my mothers cancer showed clear signs. I guess the sample the doctors took was the only little amount that was cancer and they got it in perfect time! :D

This summer had so many outside factors came into play and affected soo much in my life and some happened all at once. However I do feel like I have come out a better and much stronger and more confident person than I was. I learned so much and grew as a person I believe, but there is more to learn and to be done!

Random First Time Thoughts

Hmm... I don't know anything off of the top of my head to write but I'll just ramble for a second or twoo.. lol.
So summer has been boring as hell, haven't really done much nor worked too much. Kind of sucks actually. I've become a work-a-holic I think because I feel lonely without it because work has become my social life. I have a few friends that I actually hangout with outside of work and this has definately created a sense of isolation. Its fun working two jobs and the money was good for a good 3 months or so but things have been slowing and I can barely afford to pay my bills. I can't do anything during the day because I don't want to spend any money so I tend to sleep the day away.
I started working on a doghouse for Ricky, my brother's gf's lab that is living with my brother and me to make my mind think and give me something to do. But now that money is tight I can't pay for the wood I need. I do have some for the framing but nothing for the sides or roof.
It also sucks that I've felt so left out of the "social circle" so to speak, at work because of the age difference. It's tough not being able to go out and drink with your friends just because your a year to young, yet your definately mature enough too. The last month has been much better with talking to people at work and people actually talking to me like an adult rather than a kid or something. I went in to work to eat and pick up money on Tuesday Evening and Ryan C. sat down with no tables and just talked with me and invited me to go hiking the next morning and to chill at Josh's (another server/bartender at work) that night. So I met back with him around 10:30 or so that night and I was at Josh's til 3 am. I had a beer and a cherry bomb, both before midnight and so I was way sober when I left. Plus he lived at the end of Peco's road in Awatukee! It was good to feel included in something and I had a great time getting out and chilling with people I don't hangout with everyday. Thanks Ryan and Josh!
As things slowly improve social, work is bad. I was suppose to being training to serve a month ago but summer does slow business and other servers picked up extra shifts and they didn't want to train me and not have any shifts to give me and have me forget some stuff. (Completely understandable) So I'm pretty much working friday night, saturday day and sunday day. All of which haven't been the greatest lately but owell. I want to try and get ONE extra shift during the week but that doesn't seem to be happening. The other bussers have 4 closing shifts a week and I have one and two day shifts. They also have other jobs and I don't mind the day shifts but maybe we could rotate a closing shift so one week i'll have 4 shifts and so will one other busser and one will have 3 but the next week it'll be me and the dude who had three and now he'll get 4 and the following week I'll get 3. I'll throw it out there because my family is relying on me to help with their bills :/!

Hey, I said I'd ramble. haha Thanks if you actually read this!

Any Comments?